public urination. phlegmatic spittle. and other sophisticated behaviors.

my blunt observations of Beijingers and the city.

1.  In Beijing, young children don't wear diapers...for the most part.  Instead, their breeches are cut open in the crotch, allowing free access to the road.  The sidewalk.  A drainage grate.  Whatever.  When I walked out of the supermarket a few days ago, I almost tripped over a 2-year-old girl crouched over a drainage grate, urinating, while holding the hand of her grandmother.  Locals walked by her, smiling, and uttering words marked with approval.  And in the subway tunnel, a boy did the same thing on the floor.  We all stepped over the trail of pee.  

2.  A passing minute is not complete without the sound of a Beijinger hocking up a loogie as I walk through the city.  Ok, so my friends know that I'm guilty of this, too.  However, in a subway tunnel?  Or while I'm picking out fruit in the supermarket?  I have to draw the line somewhere.

3.  The clothing and accessories here that have English translations on them: hilarious.  But sometimes disturbing.  I saw a Beijing woman over the age of 70 walking towards me, wearing an oversized t-shirt that said "Bad Boy Girl".  

4.  If you cross the street when the crosswalk figure turns green, telling you to GO, you will get hit by a bus and die.  Drivers don't obey the traffic signals, particularly when turning on red.  I almost got mowed over by a bus last week, and I didn't even blink.  It went straight through the red light at about 40 mph.  I didn't need a coffee that morning, but I did need a Xanax.

5.  Many of the bathrooms are co-ed.  When I came out of a stall, a line of women had been waiting on me and listening to me.  It was a wonderful boost to my ego.

6.  Toilet paper is outside of the stalls, IF there is any toilet paper.  There is usually one big dispenser, and you tear off what you need before entering the stall.  The first time I used a public toilet, I realized this...after the fact.  I now carry a pack of tissues with me at all times.

7.  Used toilet paper does NOT get flushed down the commode.  Otherwise, it will clog and overflow.  The used paper  is thrown into a small wastebasket next to the commode.  WARNING: do not peer into this wastebasket for too long.  The image will haunt you in your dreams.

8.  Shoe sizes and clothing sizes do not translate well here.  I've learned to try on everything, regardless of the size printed on the label.  And, according to the scale at my gym, I weigh 92 kg.  That's about 246 lbs.  (This is false, btw.)

9.  Beijingers love candy.  There are entire floors in nice department stores that are devoted to strange, hard candies.  A third of my local supermarket is composed of candy aisles and bins.  And it is always packed with people.  And candy attendants are nazis.  Figuratively-speaking, of course.  

10.  Beijingers will eat pretty much anything.  I now love eating frog.

11.  Donkey is chewy.  However, it is high in protein, and it tastes like roast beef.  It's a win-win for me.